I'm finally getting my college diploma.

Even though I walked with my graduating class in 2005 and technically graduated in May 2007 after completing the lousy 3 credits I needed to complete my coursework, I never actually received my diploma. Boy, oh boy did that grate on Daddy's nerves. He didn't understand why I didn't take the 3 credit course earlier and he didn't understand why I didn't just pay the balance on my account to get my diploma. He bothered me about it relentlessly, it was a constant in every conversation we had and a source of much irritation between the two of us. But i get it, he was proud of me and he just wanted to make sure that I received the fruits of my labor. He knew how much work had gone into the degree and how much money he and I both would put into tuition and loans. It's one of those old school things, I think, having a diploma. It symbolizes your hardwork and dedication towards a goal. It was important to him, not so important to me. Turns out I didn't even need to pay the balance on my account to get the diploma. Apparently, I could have had it about a year ago. Wish i had known that. Wish I had made that phone call before today. Wish he had gotten to see my diploma. My fucking diploma. It means nothing to me but it meant so much to him and I never got it for him. I'm sorry. It's a really small, seemingly inconsequential thing but it mattered to him. And i know he wasn't mad at me but why didn't I just do it for him? Everything he did to get me where I'm at today and I couldn't make a phone call? Pay a bill? He busted his ass for years to make sure that Siobhan and I (and later Cory, Therese, and Maryanne) went to good, Catholic schools where we were sure to be taught the right things. Years of walking us to school early in the morning and rushing home after late nights at work to pick us up from the after school program. Making sure we finished our homework before we watched television of palyed video games. Keeping us properly nourished so we could be attentive and learn properly. Constantly correcting our speech and grammar so we could express ourselves professionally. Teaching us things that we wouldn't learn in school or that were being taught in much higher grades. I am who I am because of him. I can't stress it enough. I was made in my father's image and I constantly strive to live up to that. I don't even know if it's possible, but I owe it to him to try. He dedicated everything he had to me. I'm sorry I didn't get the diploma earlier Daddy. But I'll have it in a week.

met the baby boy yesterday

Turns out he will carry he's grandfather's name. Sebastian John Marshall Torres. It's a nice, strong name.

My memories of Thanksgiving will always be getting dressed up, bundled up, and take an hour and a half long train ride to brooklyn with Daddy and Siobhan to be with our family. I honestly don't think he would have even made all those Thanksgivings trips if it wasn't for us but he knew that we needed to experience a family Thanksgiving done right so he took us. That was one of his best traits. He consistently did things that he didn't want to do because he knew in the end it would benefit someone else. I'm so thankful for that. Thankful for all the sacrifices. All the time spent. The memories formed. The bonds formed. The beautiful sisters he gave me. The love he gave me. I'm so thankful I got a chance to say goodbye, to let him know how much he means to me. I couldn't even tell you with absolute certainty how many Thanksgivings I spent with him in recent years, but I sure wish he was here for this one...

11.25.08

11:40PM last night brought a special gift to the family. Siobhan gave birth to an 8 pound 7 ounce beautiful baby boy. Though he most likely will not carry the name of his grandfather he will surely carry the lessons and beliefs that were given to us. It is a happy and proud day, yet bittersweet that Daddy will not see his grandchild. I'm not sure that I believe in heaven, but I sure hope that is so he has a place to look down from today and see us all celebrate his grandson. He wanted to meet you so much.

“He didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.
~Clarence Budington Kelland”

Daddy

In this day and age, when you experience something, the natural thing to do is to expose it to the world. So allow me, if you will, to share with anyone who should stumble upon this page my thoughts, memories, and stories about my Daddy.